


You Said Okay

by NEONVORE (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt - really bad hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Spinel loves Pearl but Pearl loves Pink and Pink is dead, anger problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NEONVORE
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Diamond's Pearl & Spinel (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond's Pearl/Pearl (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond's Pearl/Spinel (Steven Universe), Spinel & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe, → (onesided)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

Some days felt easier then others. Some days just drifted and smoothed together in a way that made it seem that maybe, that just perhaps things were starting to mend together. To get better, to be _easier._ Let it be easier to deal with, or simply easier to comprehend. What matter was that for once in Spinel's life, she felt found. Surrounded in sound, which once was overwhelming and utterly overpowering - but now felt like music to her ears. She felt safe, let it be in the hands of her Diamond's, or just to be in front of her friends. And wasn't that so strange? _Her_ friends. Gems, and even humans who cared for her well-being. Who laughed and clapped at her silly jokes and rapid poses, who listened to her when her heart felt heavy and so, so strange. Who told her they were there for her.

That everything would be fine.

And while Spinel happily trailed the palace, eagerly looking about Earth's surface and inhaling the air into her body; she felt fine. Truly, she did. And believe it or not, she had a best-friend. A real one. One who swore to not leave, who promised to play and tell her the truth - the flat out bitter, and hard truth. To if Spinel got on her nerves, and honestly? She was fine with it. Knowing what to do better, and what to fix to not drive others away was something she needed to get used to. And surely, maybe slowly, but she was getting there. 

Pearl was all she could ever ask for.

She much preferred Homeworld over Earth. She felt content in a place she new more, and not somewhere so open and new. She did visit Steven a bit, and would tag along when Spinel (whilst RARELY) dropped down for a hello and some talk here and there to the Earth gems and human kind. She was shy, but so bubbly at the same time. The way she would curl a stray hair when she was nervous, the way her eyes shone when she perked up onto something old, and nostalgic - she was so strange. Yet so familiar, and some how all entirely new to Spinel. The Pink Pearl she knew was the one controlled by White. The Pearl whos color was drained, and bland. Who was a ragdoll to a god above her, and lacked any memory and identify of her own.

Spinel never knew the Pink Pearl she saw now. She was stuck in a stoic state for eight thousand years - long before and to the very end (earlier even) of Spinel's own long-waited hellscape. So, in a way, they understood each others pain - understood the dread and yearn for a Diamond's touch like no other. But both new well that they wouldn't get it, not ever. So they had one another, and instead of focusing on the pain and sorrow of the pure love of their life - they went over memories.

Did Pink do that thing too with you, when she laughed? Oh, yes! The way she'd snort and get all red when she noticed it.. Or did she ever get so, so attached to a plain old plant she found on Homeworld, did she ever shove the pointless weed in your face? Assuming it was the greatest invention ever to be seen? Oh, oh yes. She named them, too! How silly. How adoring. How absolutely _Pink_.

It seemed going over memories was the best coping they had. Along with being a shoulder to cry on, when needed. Both still weren't coping the best, but with one another it seemed to be just barely easier to handle, rather then alone.

But not everything was happy-go-lucky, surely not. Sometimes Spinel was too loud, a little to hyper and maybe too violent when she got mad. And Pearl would be there, but sometimes it was hard. It was so, so hard to help someone who didn't want help to begin with. And perhaps Pearl was too quiet, too sensitive and too praise like. I was her friend, first. I was the first thing she ever knew - I was the first person she ever vented too.. I this, first that. It drove Spinel up the walls. And they both mutually understood that, but were not positive on how to fix it. Or if it would ever. So they could only mutter apologies under their breaths, and swear to keep a hold on what they do and say. And sometimes it wasn't honest, not all the way. 

But that was okay.

They were perfectly imperfect, and Spinel couldn't ask for anything better then that.

* * *

It felt as if the Diamonds saw the two as Pink herself. Fawning over her, more so Spinel - yet at the same time equally as Pearl. They saw Spinel as Pink's childish and loud and bubbly half, and Pearl as the oblivious and innocence she once held. And for awhile it was nice, but the constant reminder hurt. It ached. It woke something up in both of them, something they constantly tried to forget. But who were they to blame? Just as them, the Diamond's were mourning her loss. Just in their own ways.

Blue would cry, cry loudly. She would make the room go blue, and everyone around her were mourn as well. But it wasn't by force, not really. Her spell sent a heavy spread over them, but their own pain would be awakened by the reminder Blue sobbed out.

Yellow, was the contrast. She would yell and send orders to countless gems, bang a fist on the wall and fall to her knees and heave to not let a single tear fall.

They knew to leave her be when she got like this.

And White, wouldn't peep a word. She would stare mindlessly out the window of the Palace, staring into the sky - the forever unchanging sky, and hum. Hum a familiar tune, a song that made Spinel want to sing along. A song that if she were to hear even just one lyric, she would be in a duet with the bright goddess ahead of her. And Pearl felt the urge to stretch her long legs, to balance and dance delicate - but what steps were which? It was a reminder. But of what? Something lost, something forgotten.. Something embedded in years and years of memories, only to be remembered at the right time.

White would look in pain at this time. Mascara streaking her cheeks, and face tinted a bright pink as she blushed furiously in rage. Because someone took her baby. No, not someone - herself. The constant nag and burden of abuse they put on the small Diamond sent her over the edge, leaving her to live a new life as a new gem. Someone happier, someone with a family who looked up to her. 

But even that seemed to not fill the hole in her gem. Would Pink - would Rose, ever be satisfied? Perhaps not.

But she was gone now.

And that made White mad. So much stress on gem would make them poof, and the way White's stunning and perfectly curved form glistened and sparked in and out send enough. She was hurting, but was too perfect to cry for help. It made Spinel want to cry with her, wipe a small hand across the mascara spilled cheeks and try anything to make her smile. Her face when she cried was too similar to her own. She hated it.

But this was rare.

Seeing the Diamond's fully broken down like this was very, very rare. They cried and shed a tear, but cuddled together and whispered to one another. And then, suddenly they were fine. It was love. Something none of them had, until recently. And Spinel and Pearl yearned for that feeling.

They had each other, but something just wasn't right. Well, to Pearl, at least. 

Spinel was content with Pearl's presence, but it seemed no matter what she did, the delicate Pearl just didn't listen. Not to her, at least.

She would twirl and nod and bow to the Diamonds. She would smile and salute to Steven. But Spinel? She'd just smile, and nod. And then next. It repeated that way, almost as if she was merely looking through Spinel, holding onto the small and squishy gem to fill her own voidful gem.

Using the pink gem to hold onto, as a reminder. A reminder of the love of their life, a reminder of the human their Diamond had - how she smiled, how she laughed and danced and cried and got so mad she -

Spinel was merely a reminder. And it hurt. But everything else was going so well. So there was no way one thing could ruin it.

Not at all. She flicked a smile on when Pearl seemed oblivious to the memories she brought up, stuff maybe just slightly too personal or to sting at Spinel's own heart-shaped gem because - because _she_ was Pink's best friend. But Pearl said otherwise. She was older then her, she knew her better. And maybe she was right. With a sigh, Spinel would wrap her stretchy limbs around Pearl and enjoy the soft sound of her laugh and how it fluttered her body into a fit of warmth and fuzziness. And maybe the small tint of Pearl's cheeks showed she felt the same warmth she did.

Or maybe it was just hopeful thinking.


	2. Chapter 2

Pink was looking at mirrors and reflections more then usual. Light pink eyes gazing at herself, only to look away harshly and smile at the small Spinel watching nearby. She could only smile back and greet her when this happened, wanting to hide the fact that she was quite obviously watching her.

It wasn’t a big deal, either.

It wasn’t as if she was hurting anyone, and who was Spinel to judge? She looked at herself all the time— more often then she cared to admit.

Though once she got the guts to confront Pink, she found her in the exact same predicament. She was nestled gently on the floor of the hallway — directly across their deceased Diamond’s room. The floor was glossy and sparkly. Proven to have just been cleaned by gems who still wanted to stick around with the Diamonds and clean their humble Palace; it was their choice, so no harm done!

But besides so, Pearl was seen to be sitting there. Glancing down at her reflection on the tiles flooring before slowly looking up, and turning to her.

To any other gem it would be considered uneasy, quite nerving.. But Spinel understood her. Understood that maybe once upon a time, she was speedy and just utterly upbeat. But times change. And sometimes you can’t keep up the enthusiasm you held once, she knew it all too well.

”Can we chat?”

Spinel asks anxiously, shifting carefully before plopping down on the floor besides her.

Pink continued to stare, blinking her one eye slowly. She tilts her head and smiles, nodding slowly. “Oh. Oh, surely. Yes, what’s going on?” She places her own delicate hands upon her own cartoonishly big ones, grasping onto her gloves with a hint of reassurance.

Eyes glancing at their hands, she swallows hard and ignores how her gem shudders and explodes with warmth.

”..I’ve been noticin’ that, erm..” How to word it.. How to word it without coming off as a freak? “I wasn’t - I wasn’t stalking ya’, but like.. As of Latrell I noticed —“ Her words jumbled together and felt obscure, like a new language she made by pure accident and nervousness.

Pink instead raises her hand and shakes her head, giggling lightly.

”Oh, stars. Spinel, I noticed. It’s okay.” Her tone never wavered, throughout every conversation they ever had. She always held that same high and soft voice. How did she do it? How was she so okay?

”I’m fine, really. I know it looks self absorbing — looking at myself so much.”

  
One of the hands that lay upon Spinel’s drifted away to gently graze the ground, touching it’s cool surface. “But it’s not out of adoration, or things alike.” Spinel’s eyes followed her dainty hand with a nod, brows furrowed. 

”No? No glamor and glitz?”

”No.”

The hallway went quiet, perhaps a seemingly uneasy one, but something about it felt.. Okay. Like it was for the better good.

”I look at my other eye. A lot.” She confirms, hand pulling back to shift up and graze her scarred face. The cracks were light, not as deep as they could be, but still noticeable and definitely felt. The cracks weren’t her issue — the large, formation over her eye was what made her heart ache.

”it’s hideous.”

Spinel pilled away and shifts to sit on her knees, looking to the taller gem with a frown. 

”I’m not saying it’s pretty. Because I’d be lying to you. It looks harsh. But it doesn’t mean it ruins you — if anything not evens you out. You can’t be so utterly perfect and beautiful — let et’ be destiny’s way a-sayin’ that we outta’ even you! Curb the jealousy for other gems, because yer’ a goddess compared to em’!”

The Jester let her hands graze her scarring, trailing along the eye before leaning in to kiss it with a giggle.

”I know I’m still jealous of yu’, you’re perfectly imperfect.”

Pink’s eyes widened uncharacteristically, darting to the side before her head looked down. She giggles lightly and fumbled with her skirt, blushing deeply. “Oh. You’re so silly. I could say the same for you.”

Blinking, the Spinel tilts her head and blinks at the light Pearl with confusion.

”Eh? Did I miss someting’.”   
  
Pink shuffles onto her knees and squeezes Spinel’s cheeks, fingers dusting across the stained tear streaks she still held. “These. I see yourself looking at them, too. I’m not that slow. I see it pains you, like how mine does me.”

Spinel stares silently, brows furrowed as she felt her face heat up.

”I notice.. Sometimes, when you’re extremely happy — they go away. Maybe they’re lighter, or a line or two is gone.. But sometimes it’s completely gone. And I know thats when you’re happy.”

Spinel chuckles and looked down into her lap, hands holding onto one another nervously. “Awe, jeez. Didn’t expect to be read like a book by ya’ doll!” She laughs more, perhaps nervously then the alter, and flinched as her face was lifted up again by Pearl.

”But when you’re upset, they come back. I’ve never seen them this dark — and messy.” Her finger trailed the messy tear streaks and glanced at her hand as it stained her finger. Spinel clears her throat and grabbed the hand and frowns. “It’s.. M - Mascara. But it seems my.. My new form kinda kept the crying marks from way back when.” Way back when I figured out Pink was dead.

This had Pink perk up.

”Mascara?”

Squinting, she nods and hums out loud.

”..Yyeeees. Like, ya’ know, make up stuf—“

Pink giggles and waves her hand about, shaking her head as she grabbed Spinel’s other hand and forced the two back to their feet. Once up, she didn’t let go. And Spinel liked that.

”Oh, stars. Yes, I know what it is. I just didn’t think you wore makeup!”

Giggling more, she looks about before eagerly darting to their Diam — no, their room. “I personally don’t like it. It feels icky, but I was quite fond of putting it on others!” Spinel smiles giddily and sighs happily. Content. She let the Pearl drag her to the room, not fussing or arguing as she sat her down and eagerly spoke aloud.

”I used to do Pink’s all the time! This will be so much fun.”

She sure hoped it would be.


End file.
